wow i made half of this a while back and it's weird to think how much i've changed in the last year, i've got a boyfriend now...not to say that "changed" me at all infact i feel i can be myself around him more than anyone else but c'mon let's be honest at this point i don't care anymore..i'm me and that's all there is to it, i'm definately not as shy as i used to be and more open to things and people..this set was supposed to mean something deep for me like why couldn't i find someone to notice me or "love" me..? when truth is all i needed to do was stop looking, jet go, let live, and be myself, and i began to enjoy it..no second thoughts i was not lonely anymore i had fun friends and that's all that mattered which was awesome..and still is then i met a boy...when i stopped looking it was because a previous person really hurt me and out of stubbornness i told myself this so-called "love" did't exist, that it was all fantasy, but...exactly it's that "but", that get's me all the time..and in thinking that i told my brain love did not exist and when i saw really cute guys i would assume they're all out to break you're heart or something.. it was the weirdest thing but it wasn't that bad i was pushing away everything that reminded me of love..what is love exactly? no one knows..anyway this boy i thought was too good to be true so i avoided ever getting to know him for a while which was stupid but somehow i got his number and we started talking but it took me a while to realize this could mean something more than just friends..i'm a cyclist..joined a highschool team and that's how i met this boy, chad, cute, oh boy is he cute, and smart and nice and we have the same intrests in music and things i just love spending tie with him...he's like my best friend who is also my boyfriend :)..anyway there are so many amazing things about him i put aside, trying not to think about and trying not to get too close to him because of what happened before..but it happened and thinking about it i'm starting to believe in love again like i did when i was a little girl...things i didn't know i could feel idk like i love the way he talks walks smiles kisses, his blonde hair everything..it's a weird feeling this is and he's not like other guys and i know everyone says that about someone they like but he's truly mature and kind and has basically the same beliefs as me, and most of all anyone can tell when they talk to him he has a good heart and good intentions, but the best part is that he says the same about me, i'm happy. but yes also a little scared because i don't want to get hurt again...but for now this set is self-contradictory at the moment but expresses how i once felt :) and if you read all of that give yourself a hand cuz that was just me mumbling on, and on about my life and how i feel and i know how boring it can be to read other people's stories but oh well this was mostly for me. . .
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